Got Listen Got God

Forehead to the ground. It is hard and cold. With eyes closed, my head dizzies itself with flowing brain juice and every swish of skin on skin or clearing of the throat amplified in that room. And all I ever felt when I enter adoration is regret (most of the time at least.)

“I’m sorry God, kinda haven’t been doing too well and screwing up. I know I should have prayed more but…well… at least I made it here”

There is more sadness and disappointment with myself than there is reverence and honor. Not doing enough or not handling things well – at work, at home and with friends. I wish I could go to God and say “Awesome stuff God! you made all things good! Indeed you are king!” 

Imperfect for God, I feel a little crummy coming to God in such a bad state. Very much like the prodigal son, though not so much a hurt-my-pride thing but more like I-wish-I-was-better-than-this for you. Like having a meeting with my boss with chocolate all over my mouth.

 Then comes the God moment, a rather silent change. Probably love and all that good stuff.

And you know you had a God moment in adoration when the next time your head touches the ground the feeling bad for myself simply becomes a great desire to be better. With strong conviction and reassurance that I can do all things through God, I can smile with God once more (smiling/giggling in a very silly fashion I might add) and with reverence proclaim that he is king.

That’s the point isn’t it? For in just spending time with God he changes you. “You never leave the same person.” was my ‘motto’ for mass. Praise God for speaking to me without uttering a sound.

Speaking of which, my sister told me this story about Kyla today.

“We were out one day and hijacked a guy dressed as Barney for a kid’s birthday party nearby while he was heading to the toilet. And it’s amazing because below 2, she can’t speak but when she saw the photo that we took that day yesterday (now she can speak) and she told me Barney was with an auntie and he had to go pee pee.” 

And somehow that really struck me because even though she didn’t know how to articulate it, she still experienced the moment and spoke about it when she learnt how to. It kinda shows that you don’t really need language to be able to form thoughts, it’s possible to just be able to experience things and understand it even though your brain might not be able to put it in words.

It’s wonderful knowing that some amazing things in life need not be overt or tangible or explicit. The world tends to think that way, ‘no-pic-no-talk’ would be a perfect example.

Taking joy that these bigger than life experiences aren’t just conjured or signs of crazy but glimpses of something infinitely amazing at work.

-jes

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