14 January 2015
Our ref: LOG.FGZ.LM/mel
Your ref: I.AM.WHO.I.AM
*Please quote our reference when replying
THE HOLY TRINITY
1 Silver City
BY INCENSE AND INTERCESSIONS ONLY
NEW ROUTE FROM FORTUNE CENTRE TO 1 SIMON LANE
1. I refer to the above-captioned matter and the Postscript enclosed herein. I act for myself.
2. As You would be well aware (given Your omniscience and omnipresence), I ran home for the first time tonight. I had dinner around 7.00pm, stayed in office till around 9.00pm, then set off on this new route – Selegie Road, Serangoon Road, then Upper Serangoon Road; law school, PTC, then a full fledged lawyer.
3. This 8.5km route is straight and true. It leads directly from workplace to home. So I expected it to be smooth. After all, Selegie Road was smooth. So was law school. I might have gotten a little lost in the beginning, but I double-checked Google Maps, formed my study group, and I was on my way.
4. But despite following directly after such relative ease, Serangoon Road is filled with obstacles. There are crowds and there are cars. There are things to learn and there are files to manage. There are jarring lights and there are unexpected demands. At the end of the weekday, I am exhausted. At the end of the weekend, I am depressed.
5. I had to do some research today. And for a moment, that brief spark of intellectual excitement amidst the draining monotony of administration and correspondence lifted my spirits. But the next day, when I reviewed the file, I could not help being cynical: helping the rich get richer was not the kind of wrongs I wanted to right.
6. Running the race should not be this tumultuous nor this meaningless. You once reminded me of my dream to keep the wonder alive for me and for others. Dearly holding on to that spiritual warehouse experience, I refuse to accept that this chaos and this unrest will be the pace of my vocation. Work should not be work; I find myself ruminating on how work is the consequence of Original Sin, how easily the Nazis perverted the Arbeit Macht Frei path to virtue, and how Opus Dei members sanctify themselves through their daily chores. Amidst the confusion, this I hold on to: if You have called me to it, then You should bring me through it.
7. I do not know if my listlessness is attributable more to me being new to the route or me being on the wrong route completely. Memories of my excitement to begin practice and my desire to fight for the downtrodden make me doubt the latter. So to purify whatever decision I may or may not make, I have to continue running until I get used to this path I am on, until I become adept at running it. I will not cease before I excel.
8. After all, I abandoned the glamour of the stage to keep my eyes on the prize of the courtroom. So I cannot preclude the possibility that this intensity and this upheaval is part of Your plan.
9. And if, by the time I normalise this pace, I still do not find joy in the race, then I will know that it is time to find a new route to run. Till then, I will keep glancing at Your crucifix on my table, and ask You to fill the emptiness in the maelstrom that I keep envisioning in my prayers.
10. All my rights are fully surrendered.
(Character of Christ)
Enc. Postscript on the format of this Letter to God
P.S. Drafting letters and emails in legalese to clients and opposing counsels are the bread and butter of litigation work. My boss vets everything that I send out; I have gotten much flak for my typos and my choice of words, despite priding myself on being a writer and an advocate. Perhaps my lessons in humility stifle me from appreciating the craft in correspondence. Perhaps there are other reasons.