Days are a little comfortable at the moment. I try to talk to people in crowded situations, I attempt to put the needs of others before myself and I even rejoice at wakes because I know You live. What then is this restlessness? What then is this buzzing sound in the background that bothers me when I tune to its frequency? I must find out what it is.
How does it feel like sitting at the back of my head though? I hope you don’t get bored. I hope my thoughts don’t crowd you out. I’m still very amazed at how you seem to disappear from my mind every time it’s the breaking of bread at Mass. Is it because you are reminding me that you are truly in that small wafer?
Some days I wish for those moments I don’t have to say anything to you. That amazingly overwhelming feeling of just sitting with my soul in silence, just existing in your presence. It has been a while hasn’t it? I don’t want to think about it too much in case it becomes a little self indulgent. To freely receive seems to be harder than to freely give.
I don’t feel as emotionally attached to you anymore. We are out of our honeymoon period now aren’t we? Well, I’m glad that I have a commitment to you, a little like how marriage is to a relationship. I doubt I can really ever divorce you from my life. And I’m even more glad that this relationship started before any and is still going strong.
So God, thanks. Thanks for hanging around. And I hope you hang around more. It gets a bit dull around here when it feels like you don’t.
With all I am,