8.15 am – I miss you. I miss us. This dryness can be so suffocating even if it is interspersed with small moments of grace. I miss hearing you loud and clear. This morning was yet another one spent with the pray-as-you-go podcast but the words fell like stones on a desert plain. Plonk plonk plonk. I run through my mind as the music invites a time of reflection but ah, I don’t even remember the question. What’s up with my prayer life, Lord? I put on some Audrey Assad and as she sings “His eye is on the sparrow, I know He’s watching me”, Father I pray for the grace to be faithful to you even if this distance between us tells me otherwise.
12.30 pm – Jesus I thank you for this meal. Help me to be loving to my teacher and the people around me.
5.45 pm – I wonder if I should head for mass today. I’m lazy and after all, is there a point of going in this dryness? Has the Lord even been lazy to me? No.
6.25 pm – Fr Luke shares that today’s readings present two opposites – Heartwarming vs Heartbreaking. Two stories of hospitality and rejection. Which is life? Both, he answers. My heart tingles, his answer is all too familiar to me. Fr Luke shares that the Christian call is not to a life of success, comfort and constant consolation. God would be spoiling us if that were so. I think to myself, “Lord, I’m a kid who wants to be spoiled” Fr Luke continues that growth always entails an entering into pain, suffering and even death as God stretches our hearts to receive him and then to be more hospitable to the people searching for Him.
6.35 pm – It’s a simple message, one that you revealed parts of to me last Friday. But evidently, truth that my heart has yet to fully accept. Thank you for reminding me that in what seems like dryness, you are enlarging my heart for you. You are disciplining me not to be dependent on consolations. But Lord, I’m still a kid who wants to be spoilt so please be patient with me as I grow. I’m still gonna have my bratty moments.
8.15 pm – Mini victory in a sister’s life. Praise God!
10.30pm – Dear Jesus, thank you for your presence today. Help me surrender my expectations of consolation and how you might reveal yourself to me. Spirit, You’re a God of surprises, so open my eyes to recognise them in the new day. Amen